If you’re reading this then you’re probably not too far from my social media circles and you probably know this already, but I got accepted into Stugan 2016.
Stugan is non-profit games accelerator that takes 20 or so promising indie developers and sticks them up in the Swedish woods for two months so they can work on their dream games. They expect nothing in return, except that you work hard on your game. It’s an unbelievably cool initiative and a incredible opportunity to say the least.
I submitted with Kingdom in the Sky with Marc and Dorianne. This is a game I’ve been really itching to pursue further and it was an obvious choice to submit. And then, somehow, we got chosen.
It’s hard to convey how I felt when I read the acceptance email, I was equal parts and elated and surprised! It’s now several days later and I’m still feeling a rush of excitement every time I remind myself that yes, Stugan is actually happening for me. I had honestly never thought we had a chance of being picked. I knew I had to submit something because I couldn’t deal with the guilt of not even trying to take an opportunity like this. Truth is; I had accepted rejection before we even finished putting together our proposal. I was perfectly okay with rejection because I knew that the quantity and quality of the applications was going to be overwhelming.
And here’s the weird thing. While I’m overjoyed about going to Stugan, I feel a little bit guilty about it too. Basically everyone I know submitted a Stugan application, including many of my close friends. I know throngs of talented folks who put a lot of effort into their proposals, and I still can’t shake this nagging feeling of “why me”?
Now I’ve chatted to some friends about this and they’ve (quite rightly) rationalized and pointed out many reasons to pick us, but I still feel like a bit of a jerk for being so happy about getting something that other people really wanted too. My self-esteem (read: ego) is too strong to get affected by impostor syndrome much, but I still feel a little weird celebrating or talking about it. Would I feel a little hurt or jealous if I wasn’t selected? Quite possibly.
Anyway, wanted to get that off my chest. Regular travel blogging will now resume.